Writing is drawing the essence of what we know out of the shadows. Stockholm writing the germ of My Struggle - "You know too little and it doesn't exist. But I couldn't come up with anything." - New Year's Eve, 1984-85 "I'm Garfield!" crooked dicks - "Our relationships were located somewhere between the world of the child and that of the adult and the boundaries between the two were fluid" - semen guitars volume - the character of rooms - grandma's garden and grandad's figures - a noticeable linguistic change - all for the sake of beer - New Year's Eve fireworks - "So it's 1985" - white snow black water - "Who cares about politics when there are flames licking at your insides? Who cares about politics if you are burning with desire for life?" - "I was a dream, the dream was me" - barging in on a private moment - "it wasn't often we had quality films here, normally everything was American" - first (unrequited) love - a separation the snow melts, signaling spring - "I was, in other words, for depth and against superficiality, for good and against evil, for the soft and against the hard" - strange relations
"the concealment of our dead" our "system that keeps death out of sight" - a face in the sea - "As your perspective of the world increases not only is the pain it inflicts on you less but also its meaning" - male domesticity a hatred of fish a mother's presence - evening news broadcast shame - the passing of time - late self-portrait by Rembrandt in the National Gallery, London eyes mise-en-abyme - Proust the past and the more pressing present a boat in a lock - invasion and intimacy - "The only thing I have learned from life is to endure it, never to question it, and to burn up the longing generated by this in writing" - drunken summer skulls - unrolled r's and the trauma of language - taking up smoking on the cusp of sixteen "because it gave me somewhere to be" - estrangement from one's father: "I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want him to think this was a failure, that he had a failed relationship with his son, so I sat wondering what I could say.
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